Recharged and Incharge...

Somewhere between "I know who I am" and "Who the do I want to be", I realized I had lost part of myself. I had lost the girl with fire for life. She was still there... but she was on a road to making everyone happy but herself and some of those most dear to her.

I heard a speaker talk about firing yourself from making others happy and taking happy back. And in that second, I realized that is what I had been trying to do for the last few months but had not put into words. So, now armed with this new set of words I take charge. I recharge and take charge. Not only do we have Sexy back... but we have happy back.

This is kinda freaky for me... I have to retrain my brain to not feel responsible for anther persons happiness. When I think that some parent has an issue with me or one of my husbands friends take issue with me I need to let that be their issue, not mine. Wow, seems so easy in print.... but to retrain the brain or even my heart... now that is huge.

Maybe getting back to blogging will help...

If you are going to chuck the bra at me... could you biggy size it for me...

If I were a rockstar.... and I know I am not, I would not be the drummer. I would have to be the singer... if I had a great voice.

Is it not strange how the word "singer" is pronounced. Some people drop the "s" and really pronounce the "ger", some drop the "g" and it sounds more like sinner.... Odd really.

Anywho back to me be the amazing rockstar with the great set of hooters.... oh and nobody told me the older I get the bigger they would get. My hooters that is not the rockstar fame. Well this weekend for my birthday we are having a Rockband party. I will be rocken out to all the great big hair bands... I may get a blister on my thumb from the guitar... my voice may be gone cause I have to sing loud... just so everyone in my neighbourhood knows it is my birthday... but one thing is for sure, I will not be the drummer! I for the life of me can not get my arms (hands), feet... whatever do the thing that drummers do.

Really do drummers have time to think... and some even sing at the same time.... wow. I wonder how drummers say "singer"....

Should be a great time!

Shut up... is running like a loop in my head...

10 things I am surprised by...

1. ... people use facebook to pick on others
2. ... my lack of ability to set boundaries with people
3. ... how afraid I can feel just being myself
4. ... sex can cause bladder infection
5. ... how messy the house can get in such a short time
6. ... how much I can dislike a person and feel bad about it
7. ... why people think I would know how someone lost their weight
8. ... how people judge others easier because they lost weight
9. ... are people really that stupid that they think skinny people are nicer
10. ... how much anger I have today...

Where did that come from...

Holy Batman that was one heck of a good workout today! I feel amazing... however in 24 hours I may not be able to move!

I have been back to the gym since January... I have not lost a single pound... probably not even a single inch (not that pounds are the goal here... just mental health....but). I would like a bit of movement just so I know I am on the right track. I do have to clean up my eating ... not just for weight, but for health.

I have to say I feel positive and great. I am loving being back at the gym. Nothing clears my head better... a holiday might help too!

4am and reseaching how to help when your back is against the wall...

Yesterday was parent/teacher interviews. The girls (party girl and little ms amazing) did amazing as always.... perfect this, perfect that. My son (mr anxious), well he is having a hard time focusing when a project is given to him. Once he gets started he is off and gone... but the getting started is so painful! Poor kid. There is so little help out there for children with high anxiety and the teachers that teach them and the parents that love them.

We have taken courses, he has taken courses... we have brought specialists in. But unless the teacher gets anxiety... I mean gets it. Well, it just makes for a tough time for everyone.

I think this teacher gets it.... but with 27 children in a classroom all with different needs (some more then others) anxiety is gonna be flying no matter what anyone does (unless we fill the day with deep breathing and Yoga ... lol). Then I wonder am I being a bad parent not homeschooling him. The "professionals" say he needs public school.... he needs the social time.... he needs the different sights and noises.

He is such a bright kid... he knows more about stuff then I do. And I am super proud of how hard he works to keep his fears in place. I just wish I had more answers for him and for the teacher. I wish school could the same for him as it is for the girls....

Well I went and ran 3km today and then took an hour long walk with the golden! And now i have typed it... off to celebrate the great kid that only part of his personality has to do with anxiety... it is not who he is.

Is that watered down brown.... cause it looks like poo brown on my shirt...

I don't like the color of the kitchen cabinets... so now I will have to get it tinted darker. Really why did I not just buy a new house??? OH that is right because all the new houses were drug house at the time.

Perhaps my MIL will bring me coffee today! Yes that is my silver lining people... gggrrrr!

Control.... where is the control...

Reno hell.... need I say more. Tuesday will bring... sanding, washing... painting and more.

So when I run and I feel the back fat jiggle (either that or someone needs to tell me I have more boobs on my back).... it makes me eat more chocolate! I can't stop myself... intervention is needed here.

"Million roads I have to take..." no clue who sang that.... country I think.

So true, my hubby is a long haul truck driver... and he takes many roads to come home. It is funny the stigma that goes with being a trucker or a truckers wife. When I tell people what he does for a living it is surprising how many people say they are sorry. I would say 98% of all say sorry... and then there is the small 2% that say... aren't you lucky. Well this is what I think...

-trucking is a job... a job that can pay well.
-things always need to be trucked (praise God in this day and age)
- a way to sent your own hours and holidays
- your family can go with you
-distance makes the heart grow fonder
- we feel lonely at times
- sometimes I feel angry that I have to do most of the raising of the children
- we have learnt to be great comunitcators cause we talk so much on the phone
- not all truckers are fat
- not all truckers cheat... really, that seems very strange to type... since look at all the men and women cheating these days
- I would be just fine with any of my children being truckers
- there should be no shame in trucking
- good girlfriends are a must

I am blessed to have a hardworking trucken man that has a heart of gold! I am blessed to be able to stay home and raise our babies (even if I love 8pm as I tuck the last one in on crazy days). I am blessed to be married to a man that can talk to me on the phone for over 2 hours and still have more to say. I am blessed to have a husband that will take the million roads just to come and see me!

Really... I don't need sorrys... do I.

Popping in...

Here is middle child and I having a little hike at the river by our house. It was flipping cold but so beautiful out! We saw two eagles and lots of horse poo! And the smell .... ah so yummy as all the dead fish are rotting.

I am happily going along doing my Christmas baking and shopping! 3 gifts left to purchase and 3 others on order just waiting for them to come in. Sugar cookies left to bake and a Christmas dinner left to plan. Other then that we are on the right path to a very unstressfull Christmas holiday! However if stress tries to sneak in I may take up drinking as a "self medicating" approach! Nobody has a drinking problem here!

Results are in....

Got the results...... drum roll please........

THEY SHOWED NOTHING!

The best the ped can tell me is that it is a learned behaviour... they are not occurring like most tics would.... such as a slow repetitive behaviour (is what is happening) and with most tics they happen quickly and most like a jerk reaction. The feeling she described to the doctor is not happening the way or in the spots that most children would report this a tic....

And since one of the tics happened while the test was running there should have been something on the eeg. But there was nothing.

So for now they ruled it a "Learned behaviour" and it is just a wait and see. The ped said not to draw any attention to it and it should disappear in time.

He also said he did not think her allergies were making her finger tips peel... instead he said she was causing it to happen. She is either biting the nails and breaking her own skin or picking at them. And this could be a sign that she is bored in school or anxious. He also felt that was not a tic.

So all in all we walk away from this experience knowing that kids do strange things and really you just take one day at a time. The road ahead can not be worried about.

As a side note.... I know from personal experience that anxiety can be a learned behaviours as well. And a child learning coping skills and with age will be the tell tale sign as to weather it is true anxiety or just a learned behaviour.

Now off to reclaim my house!

Andrea

10 crazy things...

Wow time has flew by. Been so crazy busy and enjoying life.

10 crazy fun things that have happened lately....

1. My golden retriever peed on the back of my new little dog. Yellow stripe right up her back. Seems the little puppy does not understand not to walk under the big dog. LMAO. (the girls screamed like the dog was being killed)

2. I change my living room furniture around again. (making room for the Christmas tree)

3. Big Daddy bought me the most beautiful flowers ... stargazers and all.

4. My girls told me what plastic surgery was. (turns out it is when they wrap plastic around your body and you don't look anything like how God made you)

5. My husband was in an accident and it was 100% his fault. ($1600 damage to our truck... no clue about the other car)

6. I got a new dishwasher, Fridge and stove! ($275 - they are 5 yrs old and the owners just wanted them gone)

7. My MIL sent one of her painters to paint my main bathroom. (looks amazing)

8. I am almost done my Christmas shopping.

9. I am still waiting on the results for my daughters EEG. GGRRR!

10. I had my hubby serve me breaky in bed! (2 mornings in a row)

Wow, has it been a crazy time.

Andrea with the indoor flip flops!

How do you dance to country???

"It's not about you.... I'm finally walking.... It's not about you..." I have no idea who sings this song (country) but I so love the words.

I really don't have anyone in my life to sing this song to ...lol. But man what a cute little song.

I have been in a bit of a Country music wave lately... kinds strange. I am more of a hip hop girl. But lately I have needed music a bit more calmer, so I thought I would give the country music channel a try. Seems to have some cute songs.... and some crap I just have to shake my head at (or cut my ears off). But all in all I have to say I like it. Hubby is kinda liking not having to listen to my "yo yo yo music" as he calls it.

It is funny how different things in life are all based around music. An ex boyfriend (Frozen Ghost)... a special trip (Sitting on the dock of the bay, Mexico when I was 10) ... a special moment with a loved one ... all have music linked to them (I have a sick song in my head right now ... lol). Maybe it is just me. My parents had music playing 24/7. (Heart, ACDC.... Black Sabith) And now I do the same just a little something different and with a MUCH better sound system.

With everything that has gone on, Country music is where it is at. So does this mean in a year I will change again (big hair bands) and then one day hear a country song and think ... oh ya that was when we had the tough year.... and if so that is ok with me.... isn't that always the joke about country music? You lose your dog.... lose your truck .... then play it back words and you get it all back....lol.

Well for now I shall rock out to a bit of country and then maybe next yr it will be big hair bands... isn't Bret still looking for love (Rock of Love)??? LMAO!

Andrea

Can I dance naked in my livingroom when I am alone...

I can not believe it is November (the trees outside my front window tell me otherwise)! This year has gone by so fast. It has not been the best year... so here is hoping it ends on a high note. I have not given much thought to Christmas shopping ... and normally I am all over it and almost done by this time of year??? But again this has not been a normal happy year for our family.

Middle child goes in for her EEG on Monday. I am happy she got in so fast... but on the flip side I am a little freaked out. I put on a brave happy face cause I know that if I don't, I may break down and not get back up. And then who will grow this little tree into a strong tree that will withstand bigger storms...

The doctor feels that she may just be mimicking a behavior.... or it could be a twitch disorder ... or it could be something more. I have a feeling that there is no quick answer here... more of a wait and see thing. He has many good reasons why he was not leaning toward a disorder.... but really, do we copy so many behaviours from other around us? So if she gets a twitch that is a cough for example... is that copying my husband that always clears his throat or is it asthma (like they have said in the past) or does she get to own it as her own twitch? And why is this happening in the first place? Should she live in a bubble... as to not pick up anyone else twitch so they can say, oh ya she does or does not have a disorder?

Well this is what I say...

She is an amazing little girl that loves animals and her family. She loves sports, knows what she wants and holds a lot in. She can read people better then most adults. And well, she does this strange thing with her eyes sometimes, and she is the best on the monkey bars. We all would be blessed to have a friend like her. And I know she will do well in life.

Don't kid yourself... I really don't want this for her... but it is what it is. And I have no time to feel sorry for her because I am busy building a strong, brilliant woman with a very supportive family. And I know the Good Lord has amazing plans for this little tree! And this too shall pass...
Naked flip flops.

TMI... just a warning...

My hubby was home yesterday for a few hours before heading back out. It is such a treat that we own our own company and work as much or as little as we like. The sucky part is at time he may work way too much cause there is too much work and then there are times where there is not enough work and well the bills get paid when they get paid. As of now there is loads of work, so life is good in the finance department.

He thought it would be such a great husband and come home and help out... and just maybe get a little action. Well he was such a great husband, my energy was at an all time low, my back hurt so bad I would like to kill anyone in our medical system for making me wait 3 months just for a call back to book my appointment (so I can wait another three months to get into the specialist), and I was just done. His help was a dream. He is such a great guy.

But here's the kicker.... the monthly visitor decided to pay a visit. She must hate me and him! So no action... just a cuddle while we sat and watched Surviverman. LOL. Thank goodness we have been married for 12 years at the end of this month.... cause big Daddy knows what happens after the visitor leaves....lol.

Our new little girl...

I am so excited about our new little girl... Summer. My girls and I have wanted one for 2 yrs and now finally our little Maltese girl is here. She is so cute and such a good little girl.

My brother is doing a bit better... so on ward and up ward.

Better run, puppy on the move. (just like having a baby again)

Andrea

My flip flops are your flip flops...

Today was a most interesting day. Not only was it the first time I left my kids (in school) in one town and drove 1.5 hours to another town, BUT it was also the first time I ever saw someone having sex on a sidewalk.

Big cities are nice to visit ... but I am sure glad our town is the size it is. The only reason why I went into the big city was to hang out with my baby brother that is (was) in the hospital. Well turns out it was a good thing I went, cause today they let him go home. His blood looked good, x-rays looked great and well to be very honest they needed the bed (I find that strange since the bed next to him was empty ... but whatever).

So after a very interesting day (I have never seen so many cracked out people in my life) I packed up my baby brother and brought him home (still in his hospital gown and a pair of flip flops).

It does kill me to see how skinny he has become and I look forward to fattening him up!

Many emotions running around my head.... but a big thank you to my girlfriend who picked up my babies and gave them a wonderful afternoon!

My brother wore the flip flops today!

Quick hello...

I really enjoyed my weekend away! Scrapping, eating and laughing. Not much sleep ... but who needs sleep when you only have to look after yourself. Not me.

This is my last week of doing daycare ... kinda sad cause I will miss the little man. However I am really excited about all the things I will be able to do once again. And the extra time I will have to volunteer in the kids school.

Well I shall blog more on Wednesday....

Flip flop out!

Come on I was a kid too...

Lire, Lire pants on fire...

Oldest told a lie the other day. He said he finished his homework... folded it in half and put it in his backpack. Strange cause usually we put homework in his planner so it does not get crumpled up. So I say "Oldest ... why not put it in your planner as we always do" (the whole time thinking I am onto you buddy). Oldest says "ok", and brings homework (still folded) over to where I sit with his planner and hands it to me (the entire time looking into my eyes). I unfold the homework and say "But Oldest, you told me you were done and yet there is still one question to do? Did you lie to me?" Oldest comes clean as he sees his game is up.

So, I hand down the punishment.... ONE MONTH NO PLAY DATES, NO TV AND NO VIDEO GAMES.

I now realize I just punished myself! Ain't parenting grand!

Flip flop is gone for a much needed girls weekend of scrapping and shopping! Peace out...

Pardon me while I wipe my nose, you big hunk of burning love...

My brother is done his surgery. Took longer then expected ... but all is well. They took out around 1.5 feet of intestine. I can't wait for him to feel better and for a quality of a good life to return.

Big Daddy is such a pig. It does not matter what I have on, my nose could be running, food all over me, my hair not done ... and dude still wants a little action. This at times can drive me nuts ... mostly when I am deathly ill and would rather stab myself then have one more person touch me. However in speaking with a girlfriend of mine (well actually MSNing ... so I should say typing) I realized that not all guys are like that.

I am rather shocked by this finding ... cause all my other girlfriends hubbies are the same way. They want their wives no matter what. But I do have a small circle of very sick friends! (love ya all ... you know you are all sick)

So then what happened ... was the hubby always like that I wonder (I could never ask as I don't know her that well) or is this something that happens cause a guy or girl gets board? It it regarding looks or is it all emotional? (one need not being met, leads to another)

And what happens when both of them are not being met in some way??? Could this send them down the world to cheating. And look how many people cheat on their partners ... the numbers are insane. " About one in five adults in monogamous relationships, or 22 percent, have cheated on their current partner. The rate is even higher among married men. And nearly half of people admit to being unfaithful at some point in their lives, according to the results of the MSNBC.com/iVillage Lust, Love & Loyalty survey"

It is amazing how complex we humans are. And I wonder why there is not push by some to fix the issues (like the girl I was chatting to) before cheating among other things start happening. IS it cause you are in it that you can't see the path before you????

So after chatting with my friend she ended her chat with "be thankful he comes home and wants you no matter what ... rejection sucks". Well point taken... next time I feel like crap (mommy is only allowed to be sick once a year) and want to curl up and died ... I will put getting laid and meeting his emotional needs, before curling up and dieing .... lmao!

Flip flops out...

Pumpkin Patch

Good times had by all at the good old Pumpkin Patch. And hello I compared last years photo to this years photo ... and Mamma has toned up! Ya hoo!